Darkness?

Is it the darkness that we feel?

One small candle illuminates the darkness. Shine a light on that shit!

If a single candle can be seen far out in space (if that were the only light source on the planet) then your candle – however dim the light – can illuminate the closet. Go into your closet and shine your light. Take a look at the cobwebby corners and see what you don’t want to see.

Whatever is holding you down, scaring you, producing fear – shine a light on it! In our psyche, the shadow side, the dark side, is the stuff we don’t want to admit to. It’s the stuff that we don’t want others to know. That “if you really knew me” crap. Shine a light on it!

Own up to the shadow that you have inside you. It’s what gives you depth. It’s what your path is meant to uncover. It’s what your time on this earth is about. We all have the person that we want to aspire to and be. We have goals we want to achieve.

The shadow side is what holds us back. The only way out is through.

For me, I’ve been looking at my shortcomings lately.

I’ve been looking at the places where I fall short of my ideal me. At least the ideal me that I think is me….

Things like food as a panacea, short-tempered-ness, intolerance, the judgment of others, fear, emotional distance, detachment from others, and so on.

• Where do I use food to stop feeling my feelings? That’s my last bastion of denial and somnambulism.
• I can be short-tempered on the best day, and I’m often short — speaking in short sentences and quips rather than an in-depth conversation.
• I don’t tolerate people’s foibles well. I don’t mind our differences as much as I’m offended by stupidity, inane conversations, complaints, and general unpleasantness.
• I pass judgment on others because I judge them stupid, uneducated, intolerant, lacking grace, or inept. Clumsiness isn’t the issue – but that can play a part.
• I let fear rule me more often than I’d like to admit. Some days, I’m afraid of my own shadow – the one cast behind me when I’m facing the sun. Even that shadow can cause fear!
• I’m detached and emotionally unavailable most of the time. If your part in life doesn’t affect me, I pretty much ignore you. If I’m paying attention to you, engaging you in conversation, I’m probably being as kind as I know how at the time. I’m probably looking for information or to help you in some way. I rarely seek help from others, which should allow one to breathe around me. I’m not looking to “take” something as much as to “give” you something.

I’m truly independent as much as possible given my situation. I have a propane stove should the power go out. I have water in jugs should the water main break. I have canned goods and dried foods in the cupboard. If the power is out for more than 36 hours, I even have a solar charger for my devices. So, even though I’m in an apartment, I’m pretty much ready for anything.

Except fellowship. I have trouble with that.

That’s my darkness. That’s my shadow.

I’ve lit my candle. Where is yours?